So things have been going a little rough for me lately, and for a while I was drowning in my own hopelessness, until I sat down and realized that I had to talk to someone about what was going wrong. I thought about it for a while and finally concluded that I should call my big brother, and ask him for some much needed wisdom. We talked long into the night about all kinds of things, mostly I had a lot of questions to ask him about what to do with some situations I've found myself in lately. But after he had listened to everything I had to say, he paused for a moment and finally said: "Little Sister, I know that in the end, you'll make the right decision"...
It gave me a lot of heart to hear him say that, particularly after these last few months. I had lost a lot of faith in myself, and I guess I just needed someone to tell me that they believed in me even if I didn't. So I have resolved to start anew, and I hope that this time I will be able to hold on to my new-found confidence. It seems as though every time I think I'll start over and begin again, something terrible goes wrong. But maybe this one last time will be the charm I need. And even if I do fall down again, I know that I'll always have my bothers right there beside me to help me on my feet again. Someone once told me that siblings were man's greatest Ally. I'm beginning to understand why exactly that is. I never understood what that meant until I started having trouble with the world, and guess who was there for me at the first calling....?
I know now that no one will ever love me like my siblings, no one will ever be closer to me, or have my best interests at heart like they do. Now all that's left is for me to shine
some new colors... = )
Peace and love to you with all my heart.
~Swan
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Random thoughts of a pearl strung heart
"Hey beautiful, It's Justin. Hey give me a call when you get this, kay? I got a question for ya. Mkay bye"...
That was actually a voice-mail that I got on my phone the other day, and I can honestly say that it shocked me to receive it. But even so, after a few moments (or rather 20 minutes) of listening and re-listening, pondering it's meaning, I finally decided to call back and see what my friend wanted to ask me. I had only just gotten off of work, and that day had been particularly busy because of New-Years, so yea, I was a little tired... but not quite ready to go home. Even though I knew that my parents were expecting me back soon, I looked at the clock and figured that there would be just enough time for a short call. So...I did.
Now, if your wondering the specifics of what took place in our conversation, then I'm afraid that I cannot tell you. But put very lightly and very simply, he asked me if I wanted to spend New-Years Eve with him. And the rest I will leave to your imagination...
Other random and surprising things have been coming my way of late, and I find myself wondering where exactly they will all lead me in the future. One of the instances that found it's way onto my life recently was actually pretty painful and a little hard to bear. The last brother in my family left yesterday to start basic training in the Air Force, and it hurts to think that I wont see him again for a while. I love my brothers with all of my heart, but now that they're all gone I feel more alone than ever without them. But by the grace of God I still have my sister and few closest friends here to watch out for me. Without them I probably would have gotten myself into gobs of trouble by now. = )
But even though a whole manner of strange things have found their place inside my world, I understand that they will have an important impact on my life weather it's good or bad.
But then I guess that could go for a lot of other things as well, like friends for instance. Some of my choices in friends lately have been somewhat overrated in the eyes of my parents. But they have been graceful and understanding about the whole thing, and I owe them so much for that. These people that my family are not particularly fond of, though, are people I have grown strangely attached to in a way I can hardly describe. They are the ones that you would think nothing of, if you passed them on the street or saw their face for a moment only to lose it to a sea of a hundred other faces. They are the kind you have to know in order to see closely their true beauty and potential. I love them all, these dark ones that I have chosen to befriend. Because in their hearts they are all honorable, loyal, and good.
You just have to look a little closer...
With all the love that I have
~Swan
That was actually a voice-mail that I got on my phone the other day, and I can honestly say that it shocked me to receive it. But even so, after a few moments (or rather 20 minutes) of listening and re-listening, pondering it's meaning, I finally decided to call back and see what my friend wanted to ask me. I had only just gotten off of work, and that day had been particularly busy because of New-Years, so yea, I was a little tired... but not quite ready to go home. Even though I knew that my parents were expecting me back soon, I looked at the clock and figured that there would be just enough time for a short call. So...I did.
Now, if your wondering the specifics of what took place in our conversation, then I'm afraid that I cannot tell you. But put very lightly and very simply, he asked me if I wanted to spend New-Years Eve with him. And the rest I will leave to your imagination...
Other random and surprising things have been coming my way of late, and I find myself wondering where exactly they will all lead me in the future. One of the instances that found it's way onto my life recently was actually pretty painful and a little hard to bear. The last brother in my family left yesterday to start basic training in the Air Force, and it hurts to think that I wont see him again for a while. I love my brothers with all of my heart, but now that they're all gone I feel more alone than ever without them. But by the grace of God I still have my sister and few closest friends here to watch out for me. Without them I probably would have gotten myself into gobs of trouble by now. = )
But even though a whole manner of strange things have found their place inside my world, I understand that they will have an important impact on my life weather it's good or bad.
But then I guess that could go for a lot of other things as well, like friends for instance. Some of my choices in friends lately have been somewhat overrated in the eyes of my parents. But they have been graceful and understanding about the whole thing, and I owe them so much for that. These people that my family are not particularly fond of, though, are people I have grown strangely attached to in a way I can hardly describe. They are the ones that you would think nothing of, if you passed them on the street or saw their face for a moment only to lose it to a sea of a hundred other faces. They are the kind you have to know in order to see closely their true beauty and potential. I love them all, these dark ones that I have chosen to befriend. Because in their hearts they are all honorable, loyal, and good.
You just have to look a little closer...
With all the love that I have
~Swan
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