Thoughts on people I know.

OK,I have to warn you that all this page is going to be about is just some silliness on some people I have discovered both recently and not so recently. So with that said,here we go...

1. Dave.
My brother and truly my best friend in the all the world. From early childhood to the very now he's taught me everything from reading time to opening a butterfly knife...*ahem*...correctly lol. And yes he is also the one who instilled in me my love for mechanics,particularly cars in general but what can I say,I love the occasional odd job here and there :D. But yea,he's probably the best man I know. He's done allot for me,and I owe him everything...

2. Mom & Dad.
There aren't words to express how grateful I am to them,so I'm not even going to try.

3. Brandie.
She's the only person I know who was able to get me in touch with my wild side. Being around her is like living through one very wild party that never ends. She's really a blast,and I'm so happy to call her my friend = ]

4. Ashton.
A dear friend of mine that I met a long time ago while working backstage at the local playhouse. He used to work at a movie theater a while back. I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long time because he ran off to Chicago for school. But I still think of him often,and always carry him in my heart...

5. Claire.
I love her so much! I actually met her through Ashton that same year,and later found out that I worked at the same place she did. Lol,how weird is that? But yea,she's so sweet!!! I wouldn't trade her for anybody. :D

6. Justin R.
If your looking for kindness and sympathy,you will most certainly find it in Justin Rogge.
Every time I run into him at work he starts smiling and waving at me like he hasn't seen me in thirty years. He has a big heart,and I don't think I could go wrong saying that he is dear to me.

7. Curtis & Jo.
OK,I put you guys together because after much debate with me and myself,I finally concluded that one was not complete without the other lol. But you guys are truly a big part of me,and I really don't think that I would be the same person I am now if I had never known you two. So with all my heart I thank you for that...

8. Brothers,Sister,and Teder.
....I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! *looks side to side then gives big hug* = ]

9. J Van K.
This dude is the strangest man I have ever met in my life! But I have to say that he is the best for making me laugh. Spend just one evening around him and you will come away knowing things you never thought possible...good...and bad,lol! But for all his weirdness I love him to death. And so with that ending note,I say goodbye for a little while...

With all my love
~Swan

Quiet places

Inside my heart of hearts I keep a quiet place tucked away,deep down far from the other parts of my soul,so that it's pale secrets may never escape out into the world. I keep it there to always remind me of the things I have loved and lost. It is in this place where I keep memories that I shared with only one other person,one of whom I love very much,and one who will always be close to my heart no matter how far apart we may be. In this place I also keep my love for God,so that wherever my life will lead me,my love will always burn in me and keep my life in peace. I knew a place once,it was a Gothic church on the border of Germany,that my family and I found during one of our many adventures. It was the most beautiful church I had ever seen in my life,and it was there that I found my faith. Walking down the dark isles of the sanctuary,I thought of all the people in the past who had come there to pray and to give their thanks for all the blessings in their lives. I give my thanks for all the good people I have known throughout my life and all the blessing I have been given...

With my deepest affection
~Swan

Just noticed something...

OK,I have to say that I just noticed something very odd. I still sleep with the same teddy bear that I slept with eleven years ago. I never realized that until today when I was working at a register and found myself really missing him. It's kind of funny though,because when I was a baby I hated the gross things that baby's did like sucking their thumbs or using binkies and blankets. But on my fifth birthday my mama and daddy brought home the cutest teder-bear as my present. And I swear that the moment I laid eyes on him I fell in love. He stole my heart away and I haven't gotten it back since then. I really think that he and I were meant to be. I carried him around allot back then,so now he's so tattered that he doesn't look much like a teddy anymore,but it's all good! He's a teddy to me and my heart,and that's all that really matters. I still carry him around whenever I get the chance,he and I watch movies together or read books, or study for choir. Whatever the occasion,if we can do it together,we do it period. Yes,even if people point,laugh,or stare...or a little of all three. But I say to you now,cherish your teddy bears,because they have loved you solidly and will never fail you in a time of need! Remember that,and you'll be A-OK...

*poses dramatically with teddy tucked under arm* LOL!

With lots of love from us both...
~Swan and Teder-Bear

The best things in my life

*It all happened one day when i was with my brother in his truck driving down the highway one sunny morning. Something about that day made me realize just how special my life and all the people in it really are. Our arms were hanging lazily out the window and the radio was playing some of our favorite rock songs. He and i were just talking and laughing about all the crazy things we could do in our futures and how awesome it would be if those things actually happened. Thinking back on that now,it seems as though it all played through in slow motion. In fact all of my best memories seem that way,but the worst vice i have is the fact that i always manage to take things for granted,and i never know a good thing until it's gone. Though one positive thing i have managed to realize in time is my brothers and sister. I know now after much trial and much more error,that they are all that is best in me. If it were not for them and all of their wonderful weirdness,i would not be the strange but complete person that i have become now. Even when we all have our disagreements,i try never to forget what their being in my life means and how i am effected by it. The same would also have to go for my closest and dearest friends. Though there aren't many,i know that they are as big a part of my life as my family is. Since my life began i have had enough memories to last twelve lifetimes,and every single one of them incredible in it's own way. It's all the little things that most people would forget,things like giving someone a band aid,changing the oil,sitting on the porch drinking coffee on a chili morning,phone conversations on Saturday night,listening to the radio,or just spending time with someone you care about. They say to live and learn,but i have done so much more than just that. I have loved and been loved,and that means the world to me*....

With all my heart to yours,
laugh,love,live free,and sing.

~Swan

The hood of my car

OK, the word is out! The hood of my car has become the official billboard of the entire planet! I'm serious...alright here's how it works; it's getting to be winter where i live and that means two things: (1) it gets pretty cold, (2) it also gets verrry dusty. Now,what does this have to do with my car, you ask? Well the answer is simple. Since it's been so chili I haven't washed my car in a while,so obviously it's built up a little... grime *ahem*. But anyway,people at work and other various places seemed to discover the dirt's amazing properties,and started fingering messages into it. Some of the messages were for me,and some were written just to be thrown out to the universe. I even have a smiley-face on my windshield =] (thanx Jo)!!! So now you know,that the title for "universal-car-billboard" has been taken. And nothing,not the pyramids or the tenth wonder of the world, holds a candle to the hood of my car!

*throws dramatic gesture towards dirty car*

lol,with love
~swan

Assorted things

Well,at the end of the week i have to say,that aside from a few ups and downs on an emotional level,things haven't been to bad for me. I've started some new training at work,and that's been a little confusing,but on the whole it's been ok. This entire last month has been full of sobering experiences for me. All my brothers,my closest family,are moved or moving away. And also I have a few good friends who will be moving away soon for school; some already have.
Other assorted sobering instances varied throughout my life as this last week wore on, some of them at work,some at home,a couple were in my car driving home one night. They were peppered throughout in very colorful/dangerous ways. But i made it through all in one piece,and I'm the wiser for it. It just makes me wonder what next week will be like...hmmm.....yea,maybe i shouldn't think about it,and just let come on it's own time.

On another side of my rich and strange life,I've been thinking about going back to church. It's been a while since I've gone,because it seems like every year we move again. so i just did all of my religious study at home with my family. But I've lived here for almost three years now and it doesn't seem like I'll be moving any time soon,so I'm considering the possibility that I'll go back. I can't give any promises though. =]
Another thing that's got me really wondering is my car. Now,anyone who knows me,also knows what my car means to me. So with that in mind,obviously it would scare me when i go to change his oil and i can't find the proper oil filter replacement. i was really freaking out,but in the end i just had to put new oil in and leave the old filter on. Oh-well,better luck finding the right one next time.

And one more thing I've gotta tell about is when my siblings and I took a sharpie and wrote all over the back wall of a coffee shop. We were having the time of our lives,just sitting there sipping the best coffee in the world,talking and laughing with each other. it was the best time I've had in a long time. And here are the lyrics to the song that was playing on the radio while it all happened

Everything Changes Lyrics

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.

[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

[Chorus]
When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

[Chorus]
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.

God bless,with all my love
~Swan

Missing someone

I'm feeling a little low right now because there is someone out there that's dear to me,and I'm really missing him. He's always had good advice for me,and I'm wishing now more than ever that i could ask him for some. All those memories of us sitting out on the front porch,in the dark,talking about life and all the things in it that made us crazy,they all remind me of how blessed i am to have him. The best things about him are his kindness,compassion,and ability to listen to,and understand,me. What I'm missing most about him though is his motor-oil coffee and his greasy bacon and eggs. Along with many other things,he's also probably the best cook I've ever known. Who knows,maybe I'll hear from him soon,but until then...."Dude,I'm thinking of you"....

With all my love
~Swan

Song lyrics

This is one of my favorite songs in all of God's earth. It's a Nightwish song that was made exclusively for a foreign movie,and it's extremely hard to find on CD. I had a hard enough time getting the lyrics,but here they are...

~While your lips are still red~

Sweet little words made for silence.
Not so young,heartfelt love,not heartache.
Dark hair fall,catch in the wind.
Light the way,the sight of a cold world.

Kiss,while your lips are still red,
While he's still in silent rest,
While bossom is still untouched,
Unveiled on another hair.

While the hand's still without a tool,
Down into eyes While their still blind,
Love while the night still hides
The withering dawn.

First day of love never comes back,
Compassion,it's power never a wasted wrong.
The violin,the poets hand.
Every thawing heart plays your theme with care...


With love
~Swan

Just writing #2....

Right now I'm just writing because I'm tired. In fact i'm sooo sleepy that i messed up my last blog,and i'm too far gone to figure out how to edit the stupid thing!!! AAGGGHHHRR!.......*inhales deeply*.....I'm ok lol :]
Well my sister just came down to the underground dungion (our basement),and tells me that she's upset. She tells me what about,but i won't go into that right now. It's extremely cold down here,but i guese that's a good thing because i AM trying to wake up *grins* and i DO have a long day ahead of me....you know what? i just realized that while my sister was down here with me she pluged in her i-pod. I know this because on looking down at the PC i spot a little yellow "charging in prosess" light blinking up at me as though it were trying to speak to me..... =]

...Yea, i got nuthin...till next =]

all my love
~Swan

Just writing....

The city of sky

The city of sky is the most beautiful city in the world. It is a place full of happiness and love,full of bakers,weavers,artist,and poets. Where every day is autumn and all the trees look as if they were set on fire. People there are friendly and always treat you as family,even if you are just a stranger from the night. Oftentimes there is always an extra seat,or an extra mug of hot mead set aside for you if ever you should decide to stop by for a moment to rest your feet for the long road ahead. But what I love most about this city is it's sky (hence the name).
Every night the city lights up in such a way that it reflects off the stars and touches the hearts of all who look upon it. Many people have been here but don't know it as Sky,instead it is better
known as "Cloud Nine". But whatever you choose to call it,know that if you should ever go there,all of your dreams will surely come true...

with all my love
~Swan